My day ～×

Raining whole day . Just like Annelise said ,its my day .yeah , my rainy day ~ :)


Somehow ,im like really stressed out a little bit . STPM trial is around the corner ,which is three weeks after . Freaking nervous . I have done my revision and finish a lot of books and also notes but still i feel like i have to do more and works harder ,but what else ?I dunno whats feeling is that but it is BAD ~! Like we aren't ready yet but still there is no more things to do .Which mean i can do nothing ~! ><


Well ,maybe thats one of the reason besides this moist weather which make me quite emo nowadays . haha .Again ... Ya, im loser in this ~ So what ? =P


Actually , i feel like gotta have a long post here .But i forgot everything in a second ~! hehe ...so ,next time ba ~ =) Its holiday now, so i will be here more frequently ,so see you ~ ^^


p/s : Its so sweet when you know that someone is think of you . Or when they say "i miss u " . Thats so great to be heard . <3

Bye ～×

最近很忙很忙，忙读书啦，忙赚钱啦，忙出席叙别会啦，忙整理人际关系啦，忙家庭问题啦，忙自己的情绪管理啦。。。总之就是很忙很忙 。。。


又再一次的有那种迷路的感觉，我不知道我在干什么？也不知道为什么要干这些事情。。。我很想很想放掉这一切看起来其实一点都不难，但是加在一起就是很乱糟糟的圈子。。。屁。。。


竣侥鸡巴走了。其实现在就有点想念他的感觉了。可能是觉得会有两三年不见面了吧，才会这样觉得。刚开始以为，根本就是没什么大不了的出国留学罢了，但是在他转身进闸的那一瞬间，真的觉得，好不舍得。看到她妈妈和大姐，拥抱后留下眼泪，其实真的很感动。我其实能想象到我自己进闸的这一瞬间，我妈咪，应该也会这样吧 。。。


说回这位竣侥鸡巴吧～他啊，算是我的中学生涯中一个很重要很重要的角色吧。有时候想想，以我们之间的差距，能认识到本来是很难的事情。可能就差那么一点，我会变成那一些现在在我面前说他有多不可一世及多难相处的人吧！结果现在我们是很好很好的朋友也～！XD 哈哈～至少我看过他哭咯。哈哈。。。曾经他说过一句话（他应该有105%忘记了）：“你可以不要这样看小你自己吗？"真的是有被我珍藏咯～也是在那一段很难过的低潮期里，我们一起度过，真的真的很难得，害到我现在，超级无敌怀念的～><


这几天，其实很烦人。因为鸡巴就是那一种，大家不需要特别做任何形式上的东西来相处的朋友。而这几天，也就是竣侥离开大马的前几天，我就是真的很想大家，五个鸡巴好好的聚一聚。很可能是最后一次了，未来会怎样，我们不知道。就突然的那种不安全感，真的很糟。结果，好不容易联络到大头能够赶回来了，志宏也可以了，就是小眼睛鸡巴给我无法出席（并不是无法吧）。而最后一天的机场送机之约，也无法弄到五位鸡巴在场。。。蛮难过的。所以在回家的路上，突然的依寞，让我不想说话了～大家其实也都习惯了啦，哈哈，我知道他们习惯了，所以我就自己依寞自己爽啊～哈哈。。。


刚刚看过了大头鸡巴的部落格，蛮感动的。所以觉得我也有必要来一遍这样的”感性“文章～唉～人生啊～ ～～～


p/s : 叶竣侥鸡巴，祝你在美国会变帅啦。记得记得，不要变成带艾滋病的女神卡卡啊～～～=P

TGI Holiday ~!!!

Yay ~ 红花真的很喜欢假期～！当然啦，谁不是？=P 这次的假期是在很幸苦的努力过后来临的，所以显得格外珍贵～假期之所以可爱，是因为我们可以逃离学校这个鬼地方，远离那些牛鬼蛇神。能的话，可以好好的闭关一下，躲进自己意识中的世外桃源，或是直接到远一点的地方，还真的是香蕉个苹果太爽啦～～～

回想起之前的假期，真的很开心。

12/31/2010-3/1/2011 - 新加坡～

2007 假期 - 泰国合艾

9/2010 - 槟城世界古迹遗产

9/2010 - Langkawi

还有一些的，但是懒得整理了啦～ ><

我想要旅行～！！！这句话我好像说了很久，但是结果是很令人失望的。现在我才发现，我其实并不属于任何一个点。我好像很多朋友，但是却猛然发现，原来我找不到一个人，就那么一个人和我去旅行。一个都没有。家人呢？很多问题，使得我很久没有和家人去旅行咯～上面到泰国的那一次之最近的一次了～一个人不能去吗？可以，当然可以。只是会寂寞一点，乏味一点，危险一点，无聊一点，依寞一点。就那么简单～

算了吧～就学习“一个人”的技巧好了。去适应那种很多人在你身边团团转，结果却没有一个人会对你有特别意义的那种感觉好了～反正依寞红花本来就很奇怪，在奇怪一点也无妨。。。

好了，该是享受假期的时候了～红花生活去了～ Ciao ~

*p/s : 任何人去旅行最好不要告诉我，我会妒忌的。。。

haiz～×

I have used to my geli result since very long time ago , but this time ,its really CRAPS ~! >.< If its isnt the problem of the teacher ,then the reason must be my Intelligent have deteriorated ~!!!WTH ......


4/3 (Friday) - PA status - dead
7/3 (Monday) - Chemistry status - totally dead (in the way body be divided into 5 pieces )
8/3 (Tuesday ) - Math status - have surrendered and going to die very soon
9/3 (Wednesday) - Biology status - no more life to die GAME OVER ~ T_T




OMFG ~!!! Am i that geli ? haiz ... suan le ba ~ just see how bad am i tomorrow ~ =..=

Well。。。 ×

Have a great day of Class decoration competition yesterday .Its really a true competition ,theres even a little war between someone stupid from other class with my classmate (including me actually ) >.^ Everyone take it so seriously and we whoao a lot of ppl ~!!!

Here's the picture ,

This is 6AS3~!!!=)

p/s:shut up lar you ~! XP you cant imagine what will i do if you drove me mad successfully ...

我很累～×

我故意和大家“断线”，因为我觉得是时候让我自己一个人冷静了。。。


最近，一直工作，让自己变工作狂。。。就连我妈也很担心的问我，干嘛那么年轻就让自己工作得那么累？


好像很容易掉眼泪。看到真人秀里的人一家团聚，哭，看到哈利的精灵（Dubby)死了，哭，听到一些冷静但很依寞的歌，也哭～！哇老。。。可以这样白痴，也很不容易。。。


还是依寞。因为，习惯了。没有朋友的消息的日子，还真。。。不错？！我不知道，反正这对一些朋友来说，还真的很棒，没有了依寞的红花，幸福的日子就不远了，对吗？


圣诞快到了。能的话，自己一个人到很远很远的国家发呆，应该会很棒的。。。


圣诞节快乐。。。

p/s:肌肉酸痛。。。还有，我很累～×

Its simple and nice ～～×

Im happy ... Im enjoying my life and my young nowadays ... I learnt the definition of happy and the meaning of peace of mind ... I love peace ... I hate noise so much ,although im the talkative one most of the time but i do hate them ...


Of course , im not yet a nerd ,because im still having a lot of outing with my buddies... hehe ...evidently , im too free ~~ WHEEEEE~~~~

I have planned to get the franchise of Ice-ice baby one day ~~~

OF course ,not a short term plannimg... =)

I got this from website ～～Like this badly～～×

I like myself in this picture cuz i looked so girl-ish here that i seldom be !!! ^O^

And a super good news here ~~!!! I have done my MUET speaking test this Thursday ! Its such a relief and i think i did well ~~ Why do i say so??? hehe... Because the very kind and friendly examiner ask me two questions after my test ,that are :" Do you studied in chinese school since your primary education ?" I said yes ... then :" so your parents talk to you in English ?" I said nup of course .After that , he said :" Hmmmm...then you speak so well huh...." OMG !!! I nearly jump or shout in the exam room cause im too happy to get this praise that i had never had in my life !!!


I really hope that it wasnt a dream ...i hope that i had heard the right things... Im so high ~~~!^^ But though , many of my friends doubt my words,haha ,whatever . I really got this praise . My hard work pay ...T_T


WHEE~~~ Im really happy -ing ... hope that every jibas and friends of mine will be like me too ! Promise ?!

Im flying above everything～～×

飞跃一切的上头，才发现人生不过如此，快乐是最简单的幸福～～


这几天，遇到了蛮多的衰事。我生气过，恨过，也抱怨过，但之后，却也烟一样的，飘飘然。
我问坐在我旁边时不时就发呆的黎科吟，我有那么的让人讨厌吗？！不然的话，又是为什么？
我当然知道这就像是幼稚园大班的小鬼才会问的问题，但有时，你知道的，生活的荒谬，与滑稽，会让人忘了成熟，忘了生命中最简单的答案。

未来想当心理学家的黎科吟说：“那你就必须先搞清楚，到底是他的问题，还是你的问题。。。”我确实有点不耐烦，毕竟，这句话听得还有点厌了。“如果，” 他缓缓地接着说；“你觉得是他的问题，那就不用再烦恼下去了，因为他是不会为了你而改变她那令人讨厌的地方的。 如果你觉得是你的问题，那你就可以往你的这一方想，究竟那是什么？如果，你觉得你没有任何不妥，那么又何必恨得牙痒痒的呢？”


我听了，脑袋顿时就像是被投了一颗原子弹一样。我想，是她的问题，所以就不用管它呗！他这种人渣，都不会应为你的愤怒而改变烦醒，那你生气来做么？！当然也可能是我的问题。但我唯一有可能的问题，就是我太鸡巴了！！！这是一件我引以为豪的事啊！！！既然如此，就让她继续讨厌下去吧！反正我会一直鸡巴下去的～～


这件事情之后，我发现现在的我已经完完全全，成功地逃离“世界末日症状”了！我发现，我开始学会飞跃在世界的上头，无声无息的幸福着。我学会了欣赏快乐，所以我很快乐。我喜欢坐在门口口的矮槛上，像傻子一样盯着被风吹得乱七八糟的叶子；或是听雨打在车窗上的声音。我喜欢这样，静静的幸福着。至少没有抱怨的嘈杂，没有叹气的噪音。。。我可以在别人抱怨的同时，感觉到自己的智慧，一种疼爱自己的智慧。当然，这是在受伤，痛到半死之后，学来的。现在想想，还蛮值得的呵～～！


我肉麻完了。我开始幸福了。虽然有时还是会容许自己依寞一下，但是，又何妨？！

这篇不只是一篇对快乐的告白，对生活的感性宣言，也是一篇值得分享给大家的感言，（尤其是吴鸡巴，陈鸡巴和Neri），希望你们也可以幸福，快乐，美满～～！善哉善哉^_^

p/s: 要学会飞翔在所有事物的上头，最重要的是要让你的心和灵魂飞起来。学会聆听，由心底传出来的旋律，你会发现如天堂般的，天籁之音 ，以及深刻的幸福痕迹。。。^_^

Poison apple～～×

Okay. I want to claim that im not complaining again . But in chinese ,i will said my situation like this :" 为什么我要留在这里给她们蹂躏蜗？？？ ” wahaha... thats fun actually...because it proved that im really capable in driving those respected TEACHERS mad~~!!!! wahahahahahaha....(this is so-called laugh of victory !)^O^


Hmmm... Why im always be the target of those teacher ,since i stepped into CLB and started my "adventure" here ??? im wondering this question now . Maybe im so successful (what have i achieve?); maybe my face is really kinda of provoke like telling the teachers :" you witch ! come on if you dare!!!" ; or maybe i have really hurt then through my conversation with them ?(But i swear ,i dun even know which alphabet have i used that hurt them!!!) lol ....wth


nevermind ...im LEOand im JIBA . so most of the time ,im the winner!!! woohoo~~~ c'mon, you are the one who start the war and who will also be the one who die in this battle!!! wahahahahahahaha......

p/s: im ok...^_^ just a little bit insane ...dun woorry about me ,because i swear that i wont burn the teachers' house . Maybe just get some paint on it la...wahahahaha^O^

pp/ss: @@%$%%$^*#@@#$&^%&#$^#$%~~~~!!!

幸福～～×

又是一个自己一个人对着电脑，听着yiruma的钢琴乐时不时偷偷流泪的晚上。。。今天早上我还兴奋地说，"today is my day..." 但是几个小时后。。。。唉。。。。。。


今天，班花是黎科吟的生日，也是我们才艺比赛的日子。。。对于比赛，我只想说：“去死！！！”
而黎科吟，他真的是全世界最幸福的小公主。你大概能想象得到的惊喜桥段，全都在今天发生在她的身上了。。。例如：身边许多好友秘密录制的祝贺影片（是她男朋友的心血！），男朋友迪强从新加坡飞到这里来给她惊喜，还送来一束粉红色玫瑰花以及面子书上超过百名朋友的祝贺。。。但是。。。


我很替她开心也替他觉得很窝心，但是我很嫉妒。我真的很妒忌她所拥有的一切。她是应得的。她很善良，对人又无怨无悔的（就是只会傻傻付出的那种人），她天真，单纯，没有心机，交友旷阔等等。。。她是一个活生生的天使，反观我自己，我实在没有理由去妒忌，去获得这种宠爱，这种幸福。。。我，凭什么。。。


羽晶今天问我说，我曾几何时开始变得那么没有自信的啊。我也不知道。或许我说的那些对我自己的评语并不是没有自信的表现，而是事实。。。我，凭什么？。。。。。。




p/s: 我唯一记得的生日会（也是唯一的一场）是在我十三岁的时候（五年前），之后，可能二十六岁那年我会为我自己办一场，现在。。。算了。。。。

pp/ss:好想死了算了。。。

Good Day～～^…^

When the wind blow and the yellow leaves dance together ,
when the sun shine and reflect the happiness into my eyes until my heart ,
when then sound of downpour move the lyric of my soul ,



I found my ideal life that i had longed for . Im happy with the peace .Its a good day , like which i had in my childhood . Its an amazing song of mine , like which i played for a thousand time , but still have some deep feeling about it , entitled my life ..

.Its a good day !



p/s : I have finished my debate competition ,finished all my homework , cut down my meals , cut down emo , and hang around with JIBA ... Its good ...

pp/ss : Its some kind of upliftment in mood ~~~^_^

Nothing is better than my life～～×

YUP ! A drastic change in mood today . Maybe because of the lunch that i had today with JunJiao , Eugene ,Annelise , Eugene's sister and a boy that i dont even know who is he after school. Or thats because i have eaten so many delicacy such as TomYam Noodle in Mama Curry Rice (There only have 1 food about curry but others=.=) , Milky green tea , steam fish by my mum , fried rice in school and something that i cant remember any more... Or ,it may be caused by the preparation of a debate competition recently , as it make my life full and more meaningful .


Moreover , tomorrow is HOLIDAY !!!! How good is it ^_^ I planned to swim tomorrow morning and maybe shopping in afternoon . But i still need some time to twist my brain on the debate title ... Whatever ^_^


Now only im glad that im single . Because i no need to use up my limited time to adhere to my boyfriend . I no need to complain about my boyfriend or annoyed by some small quarrel which have happened on one of my close friend .When , i need someone's shoulder to support my sadness, i will look forward to my best best friend .This best best friend is really a great and priceless friend that i never had before . I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have her as my best best friend ~~~ ^_^ Therefor , One is better than two !!!


Having improvement in my language skills is the other thing that worth to be happy . Although when i asked JunJiao about this question , he answered me :" Maybe you are but for me there have no any different lo! " Haha , quite a cruel comment ^_^ but suprisingly , i accept it with a smile . thats one of the things that i have learnt from the fall a month before . Ya, i think so ...


Occupy my life with homework is a really effective way to bring myself away from the pain . Taking some amazing photo will make the beautiful scene stop in my mind easily and thus pay more attention on the beauty of the world and life. Laugh loudly with my beloved friends and talk everything with them without any theme will drop down some precious scene in my blanket of memory . Listen to others more than protest their words . I must learnt to be a gentle girl instead of a hot-tempered bitch . i must learn to enjoy the disappointment in my life and try not to be too eager for triumph .



Im learning . Learning to live , learning to turn into a new leave. im trying to live a fullest life , and also a colorful young story about ME ~~~ × ^_^

p/s : Happy Holiday ~~~! tomorrow =.=

Tear's Season～～×

Finally,my(family's) new computer had arrived when i was having my dinner yesterday. Its black in colour that make it looks so cool and im glad that its with Window 7!!! OMG!I had already suffered with my old computer for a long time and i do really hope this new creature can make my use of computer become an enjoyable and happy activity without complain and furiousity...


I have had some very tough day during my previous week.I feel so bad to say that i had cried in those difficult days as i am suppose to be tougher but not weaker ...But everything just goes wrong!!! WTF...


My great-grandmother passed away on last Sunday. I felt sad to hear this because it make me thought about so many things. I din cry for this but im still sad. Its some kind of sad , which come from the bottom of my heart and i cant even express it through any kind of emotion.Its just sad...


My elder brother is now moving into The Sungai Petani Hospital( if i have no mistaken)and doctor said he may need to live in hospital for a longer period as he is still unable to breath by himself normally. Thanks to all of my friend that still take care about him and he will be ok soon...I think...


My appeal to the scholarship fail again and i think this should be the last hope for me but now it just got away from my life ...I had forced myself to believe that i cant get that scholarship forever but i still cant stop myself from falling into a great disappointment...its time to wake up and go back to the damn Form 6 life , i know.But just.... i hate myself and hate my destiny (at least i think that this fact had been written in my destiny since i was born) to make everyone around me feel disappointed... OMG!!! I hate my life!!!


I have finished my FCE exam last Tuesday and i have not did as well as i have expected before but whatever lah! I have no mood to bother about it now.My life was already worse enough so the result wont affect much on me.Chiao...


And recently , most of the jiba were so emo .I know the feeling so well as im suffering in it now too.I miss jibas and i need jibas so much but we shouldn't always follow our feeling but we have to work very super duper hard now...thats for our future! QingZhuang , everything will be alright and this is just some kind of emotion that we cant handle it for a while.The truth wasn't cruel like how you thought and the most important thing is your JIBAS wont forget you FOREVER !!! Yeah, just believe it...^_^


Thats all for now . Still have many things that cant actually speak it out clearly , but i just need to used to it . Tears must be the best medicine to cure me... i think...but its not my image at all! Haha...whatever~~~


p/s : Tear's season now~~~

急转弯～～×

有好阵子了吧 ，没来这里。因为懒惰，因为激动，因为失望，当然也因为我的这台古董电脑。不过这几天，发生了很多很多的事情，也是我人生的一个重要的挫折。。。


21/5 星期五 ：

是时候了，重要的决定就在今天的下午三点揭晓了。我显得莫名的兴奋，虽然我真的很努力的去说服自己别抱有太大的希望，但是朋友的言语及种种的征兆显示，我得到这公共服务局的奖学金的机会很大。三点了，打开电脑，可惜网络爆满，我这台古董电脑无法上网。没关系先睡一下吧！傍晚六点，打开电脑，打开网址，输入密码后，等待已久的成绩就在眼前。“ Kami tidak dapat menawarkan biasiswa kepada saudari... " 第一个反应就是关了电脑，脑袋一片空白地 通过短信通知好友这个重大的消息，过后打给正在医院照顾哥哥的妈妈，告诉她我失败了。。。

当这句话从我的口中说出来时，我开始感觉到我的失落，我的沮丧，而我的眼泪也即刻沿着脸庞，滑了下来，坠到地上。。。


22/5 星期六 ：

原本是个很漂亮浪漫的早晨 ，天空灰灰的，没有阳光，却也没有风，一切很安静，很平静。这是我最爱的早晨。我原本就喜欢灰灰的天色，因为这样有点像是在天堂的感觉，很舒服，很舒服。我带着肿得像外星人一样的眼睛，静静地坐在门口放空 。偶尔，还是会不小心流出眼泪，但我发誓，是不小心的！

此外，很多朋友开始发些询问的短信，个个都以为我会有好消息，结果令他们失望了。。。


23/5 星期日 ：

心脏有点回复心跳了，很好，眼睛也不肿了。只是斗志还是消失了，欢乐还是没有回来。。。下定决心，面对失败与梦想的破灭。看些安慰心灵的小说吧！哈哈。。。听起来很可笑，但是倒也还蛮有用的，这也是我最近到处去向人推荐的一本书，叫做《微笑送给打击你的人》（Smiling To Someone Who Hurts You) 。它是有安慰了我不少，也让我学到了许多的英文生字^_^。。。


24/5 星期一 ：

清晨六点，被几个朋友的短信吵醒，他们催促我检查Matrix的成绩。当然，他们也以为我应该是得定了的。但是，结果是"Rayuan saudari tidak berjaya... "。。。麻木的感觉，让我无言，也再一次彻底的把我的希望给摔得粉碎。。。决定了不去学校，因为我不确定我是否能承受同学们以及老师的眼光。我不喜欢这样，所以决定逃避一天好了。。。

和乐观天才，羽晶，一起到处走走，静一静。我们到荒山野岭拍照，闲逛，去找一些老朋友兼前同事，试图找寻以前的快乐感觉。唯一的好消息就是我变瘦了，拍摄技术也进步了。无可否认我是个天才，一个情 绪化也没有人认同的天才。。。

×我的作品×


×谢啦！羽晶～～×

25/5 - 27/5 星期二至星期四 ：

上学了，开始到那间有点恶心的学校上课了。当我踏进课室时，我如预期般地听到了同学说：“喂！琪祯来了。。。”哈哈。。。我很受关注呢～～～


接下来的几天，我渐渐地让自己适应中六的学习生活。让超友善的辅导老师辅导了超过一个小时，终于也确定了自己的方向与心情。我终于也放下了所谓的失望与沮丧。


29/5 星期六 ：

这个星期真得很漫长，好像已经过了一个月一样。我，失去了很多，也想了很多。我，下定决心要让那些放弃我的人后悔。我，这个没有人认同的天才就不相信没有了这次的机会，我就没有了所有希望。我，狮子座女生即使是哭得很惨之后，也绝对会努力得很惨！！！我，向每一位关心我的朋友师长道谢，也正式宣布，我已经大笑着站起来了！哇哈哈哈哈哈哈～～～

p/s:我认真起来，连我自己都怕呢！

pp/ss : sorry Neri , i cant meet you there~~~*

路口～～×

很明显，我变了。。。变美，变瘦，变性感？！随便啦！见仁见智，有也好，没有也好，都不重要。。。重要的是，我的生活变了。从单纯幸福的高中生活，到反复的考试冲刺，过后，假期渡假，到打工挣钱，拿成绩单，选择未来，一直到现在的中六生活开始，我面对的改变，对一个未满十八的花样少年来说，是巨大的。。。


每一次的难关与烦恼，我都会对自己说，过了这个障碍，你就会得到你要的幸福与美好的，但是显然的，我没有。。。这些难过的日子，无疑只是在为我的年轻增添更多皱着眉头过的日子。我不喜欢，但是我愿意接受，因为，我了解，我正踌躇在一个路口。这是每个人的生命线条，也是每个人的必经之路。。。


但是，如果只是站在路口徘徊不定的话，我不会这样脆弱，甚至伤感。我会突然的，就像一夜之间地长大，却是因为我的路口最近下雨咯！下了好大好大的暴风雨哦！不只有风还有闪电哪！满伤心的，什么鬼天气啊！害我就算是跌到了，也要忍受着伤口被雨水淋湿的痛，继续伪装着坚强地走下去。害我就算是伤心地落下眼泪了，别人也不会察觉到，而施舍我一个宽阔的肩膀。。。


我，一个狮子座的女生，一个不爱动不动就寻找男生庇护的女生，早就适应了这样的日子。。。早就习惯了，就算我有多么的想倒下也好，我都还是需要去支持另外一堆人，继续去扛起一堆的责任。。。你说我夸张吗？随便。。。我不需要去说服你，明白吗？！


偷偷说出来吧：我昨晚做了个梦。梦中有一个男生闯进了我的生活，坚决地握着我的手，说什么都不放。那是，我能感觉到无尽的安全感与幸福。。。我不知道那个人是谁，也不知道他干嘛握着我的手，但是我能清晰的感觉到那种感觉，就是我一直在寻找的一种安全感，直到梦醒了，我还能记得，那种感觉。。。



是天使吗？他来安慰我的？！也许吧。。。谢啦！神仙，谢啦！天使。。。我爱你们^_^


很废吗？这篇。这是我在路口写下的心情日记，谢谢你们的收看，再见～～～×

p/s:新的同班同学都很好，但我还是讨厌中六！！！各位，请帮我祈祷哇！！！！！